What did you learn about photography that you did not know before?
What did you learn about yourself this semester?
What do you wish we had done that we did not?
What was your struggle?
What did you conquer?
give me the "how's", the "why's", and the "what for's"...
What did I learn about photography? This semester of photography I learned quite a bit, about myself, about others, and about the commitments I make to school and my other classes. I think I was more excited about this class in particular, more so than any drawing or painting or art class I'd had before. I had never seriously thought about being a photographer until this year, and was just getting into the sense of digital cameras. This class really helped me understand the importance of photography though. The history of the camera, whether pin-hole, daguerreotype, digital, or film, is something to be marveled at. We created devices such as these to capture moments of time as they were, in the real world, as our eyes could see them... Photography is a form of art that I did not believe I had the patience or ideas for, but I learned anyone can take a photo. What a true talent is in photography is getting those photos to mean something, to discover a hidden message in the art, and be able to get others to understand and admire that message. All of us in this class had talent in different kinds of photography, different styles, different projects. I think one of my most successful was Macro photography. I've always had a knack for looking at the little things in life and wanting to make them bigger, they are their own world, and we can all see them. I also enjoyed the self portraits, it has been really fascinating, trying to put my emotions, and stress, my own life out into the real world, and let others look at it without feeling like they're prying into my life. Because those self portraits are the pictures , that I don't necessarily understand how to put into words. That aside there were several projects I had a problem connecting with, especially taking portraits of others. I don't really like forcing myself to connect with people, for my own reasons it stresses me out, I feel as if others might reject the idea, or even like asking for their cooperation would be selfish... But that's a different story. Another thing I still have some struggles with at the end of the semester is remembering how to change the aperture what button on my SLR changes shutter speed, and all of those settings that I want to mess with that are really automatic settings...
What did I learn about me? At the beginning of this semester I was really worried about how I would do during this class. My dad and I had already done some photography recently, he had been teaching me how his SLR works, and how to change the lighting and shutter speed for night time. We'd gone out together once or twice to shoot the stars, or take light stream photos of the highway right next to our neighborhood. I wasn't very into it then, and couldn't remember a lot of his instructions. I wish that I had been a little bit more curious about photography then, and gone exploring then about what I could and couldn't do. Maybe I would have been a little more confident of what I was doing in this class then. As the semester continued I realized that I did enjoy photography and could put meaning into my photos. I however was uncertain of how I should get other people into it, or even me. I'm a drawer not a photographer, and I draw my own characters, but I wasn't sure how to pull those characters out into my photography for this class. I mostly stuck to plants and inanimate objects. Using the nature around me to influence my photos. Looking to the little-big world I find in Macro. I wish however that I could have been more influenced by people as well, that I could have done more to get others interested in it. During my semester I also went through quite a bit of personal life. I hadn't been doing well in my other classes and dad wanted me to see a therapist. I had kinda given up on all of the difficult stuff early in the year, looking to only finish the easy things. Dad took me to see a doctor, and I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I think that some of that really inspired my self portraits, I wanted other people to look at me and see the stress that influenced me. Stress I haven't been able to show others, because I've been hiding myself. I don't enjoy being hidden, but at the same time I find it difficult to except others because I don't know how I should open up, I'm afraid to make mistakes. I'm afraid to be silly or original even though it's what I am and it is who I want to be. I hope though that someone could understand that, could find that in my art, or find something new. Something they hadn't thought about before. A new perspective.
What do I wish we had done? Hmn~ that's a good question... I think one thing I would have really enjoyed would be night time photography, or skyscapes... If we had learned how to set up our cameras for time-lapse I would have tried to do more day to night photography, learning how to get a panorama of time lapse... or even just a picture of the stars as they move in the sky, as earth rotates slowly beneath them. That would have been beautiful.
What was my struggle? I think the biggest thing I struggled with was actually balancing the time I took to take photos and my other classes. School, on top of emotions, on top of therapy, on top of medication. It makes for an uneven top, like trying to juggle a bowling ball an egg and a pineapple. The bowling ball is heavy, it makes me aching and tired, the egg is delicate fragile, easy to snap, the pineapple is spiky, and reopens aches and pains. Maybe that's a little over complicated, but I'll stick with it anyways. I feel kind of sad though at this end of the semester. I tried so hard at the beginning to do everything right, and right at the end I'm getting a pretty low grade. I should have done better, but how was I supposed to do better than I already had? What meaning was there left to put in light? I gave up during our Light and shadow project because I was failing geometry and chemistry and history. Dad and I spoke about it, and he told me to try my best, and I did but it meant giving up this project to work harder in more important, more final core classes- then one elective. Unfortunately this means I will most likely fail photo, even though I tried so hard to accomplish myself.
What did I conquer? I feel like I accomplished some great things in this class. I remained committed to finishing this class, even if I didn't pass it. It was a lot of fun, but in the end I had to make a decision to pass my other classes and give up my A in this class. I wish it was otherwise, but there isn't much I can do about that now. Maybe I'll try to take it again next year, and pass it all the way. Take it a little more seriously. I feel like I need to take a lot more things seriously, my grades, my health, my life, but right now my job is to be a student, and I need to commit myself to doing better. It will be hard, but I can do it. Even if I have to ask for help sometimes.
